Dear Leader,
Every year, I get SO excited for summer. It just feels more playful and spontaneous with 8pm ice cream runs and random chats with our neighbors.
And for some reason, work doesn't stop in the summer the way it did when we were kids and I feel a push and pull of: I should be having more fun, I should be planning for fall, that project should be complete by now.
Welcome to being human, where we are capable of holding two wildly conflicting emotions at the exact same time. Personally, I’ve noticed that summer brings this on with heightened intensity.
And this summer, that intensity feels dialed way up. My husband began a new job just as our kids were getting out of school for the summer. Just as they are decelerating, he is accelerating, walking into a great deal of newness that commands his attention.
Are we super excited and grateful? Yes! Is the timing a bit interesting? Also yes.
Lately, I feel like a sponge, trying to absorb the sheer volume of all this change: kids being home, shifting work rhythms, feeding them multiple times a day, and supporting a spouse who comes home mentally exhausted from meeting new people and learning new systems.
As driven people, we like clarity. We like linear progress. We like binary outcomes (success vs. failure, productive vs. unproductive). But human emotions don’t operate in binaries. They operate in the "messy middle."
The Seasonal Friction of the "Messy Middle”
Right now, you might be experiencing this emotional multidimensionality in a few different areas of your life:
- The Play vs. Productivity Tug-of-War: You want to be outside soaking up every drop of sunshine, and you have vital work projects that require your attention.
- The Inertia Trap: You struggle to transition. It takes a massive amount of energy to sit down and get into the zone, but once your high-achieving brain finally locks into "work mode," you find it almost impossible to hit the brakes and actually enjoy your evening.
- The Relationship Mirror: If you are working from home, you can steal little moments interacting with your kids in between calls and also be bitter when you are making the second round of lunch that day.
The Reality Check: Wanting a massive professional win does not mean you can't mourn the free time it costs you. Loving your family fiercely does not mean they won't exhaust you. Feeling both sides doesn't make you ungrateful or hypocritical, it is simply human.
How Can We Navigate the Emotional Multiverse
When we try to force ourselves to feel only one thing (usually the "right" or "productive" thing), we end up anxious and burned out. Here is how to work through the emotional friction:
1. Ban the Word "Should"
The moment you say, "I should just be happy about this new job," or "I should be focusing on work right now instead of looking at the weather," you create unnecessary shame. Replace "should" with "and."
- Try this: "I am incredibly relieved to have this career certainty, and I’m allowed to feel a little bummed about the timing."
2. Design "Transition Bridges"
Because high achievers excel at deep focus, switching contexts can be psychologically jarring. Don't expect yourself to close a spreadsheet and instantly be a fun, relaxed partner or parent. Build a 15-minute buffer. Take a walk, change your clothes, or listen to a specific playlist to signal to your brain that the shift is happening.
3. Give the "Shadow Emotion" a Seat at the Table
Fear, sadness, and frustration don't go away just because you ignore them. In fact, they usually get louder. Acknowledge them quickly so they lose their power. If you’re starting a new project and feel terrified despite your qualifications, just say it out loud: "I’m thrilled for this opportunity, and I’m also pretty scared of the increased visibility" Once it's named, you can move past it.
4. Mourn the change
Mourning a schedule change honors both what was and makes space for what is to come. If you received a big promotion, for example, you can be incredibly excited about it while still mourning the loss of your previous role where you felt comfortable, safe, and competent.
A Gentle Reminder For the Week Ahead
You do not need to be a perfectly optimized machine of pure positivity this summer. You can be a high-performing professional, a loving partner, an overwhelmed parent, a sun-worshiper, and a spontaneous problem solver all in the span of a single Tuesday afternoon.
Let yourself feel the full spectrum this week. There is room for all of it.
In the spirit of multiple emotions, Laura Ravo's podcast speaks to how to be fierce and kind at the same time to create the best results.
Listen here:
Always in your corner,
Megan
