Why is it so hard to ask for help?
Did you know that asking for help is actually one of the most powerful ways to stay in your creativity and natural flow?
The concept of “I've got this” doesn’t mean that you should.
Have you ever received feedback that you need to delegate more, and although you agree in theory, you have no idea where to start?
Most traditional advice on delegating will tell you to plan ahead, build trust with your team, and set clear expectations. You may know all of that and something may still get in the way.
For some, not asking for help is rooted in perfectionism.
But even as a recovering perfectionist, I don’t think that’s the real reason most women don’t ask for help.
I suspect it has more to do with proving.
You don’t ask for help because you have relied on yourself for so long. To get it done, to push through when you’re tired, to ensure others are on board…proving your worth by being the one makes it all happen.
Several years ago, I helped create a new division in a traditional organization.
I was leading business development efforts across two different divisions (and two bosses…)
To create a cohesive story of our overall revenue and prospects, I was working with spreadsheets from two different controllers. A huge portion of my time was spent just getting the spreadsheets to match.
Looking back, my time should have been spent on my message:
“This is where we are now. This is where we’re going. And this is how we’ll get there.”
That’s where my greatest impact was.
Instead, my energy was drained by the spreadsheets and I didn’t have enough left to land the message that mattered most.
Often working late at night, I often felt alone (and bitter).
-Didn’t anyone see how hard I was working to bridge two disconnected departments?
-Did anyone care that I was the only one trying to make sense of it all?
I’m not sure I even knew I could ask for help.
-I told myself it was my burden to carry.
-Even if I had thought to ask, I didn’t want to appear demanding, especially to peers who were also putting in long hours.
The story I told myself was:
“I’ve worked here longer. I know the systems and the personalities. I have to do it myself.”
What did that get me?
Absolutely nothing (except exhaustion and resentment when I was overlooked for a promotion).
My default is not to ask for help, not because I think I’m Superwoman, but because I can see the burden others are carrying.
-I don’t want to add to it.
-And somewhere deep down, I didn’t believe my needs were important enough.
There it is.
If I could do it all over again, I’d put more structure in place so I could stay in my flow of what I did best: leading my team, connecting with clients, and focusing on where I create the most impact.
I could have said to the two VPs:
- “I’ll report on combined revenue trends every 60 days.”
- “The controllers will work together to create a cohesive report.”
- “That allows all of to plan, receive clean data, and focus on leading a meaningful conversation.”
Structure creates freedom.
And asking for help creates flow.
Asking for help isn’t weakness.
It’s a declaration that you’re willing to be supported. (And a belief that you deserve support...)
What is one thing you can do to move from proving to receiving?
Always in your corner,
Megan
P.S. If you tired of proving, we should connect! You can book a 30-minute Connection Call here.
